Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Void inside my chest

Such intense chunk of pain that rips part of you silently and those unexpressed feelings burried deep down comes forth uprise in such ugly ways i became a stranger to myself . The moment that my mind keep replaying scenes of flashback , chasing on memories that leads to no where and i have no idea why doesn't it go away , letting go wasn't even an option or probably i just didn't have the guts to let it go . Somehow it got stained there like i got so use to it and they say time could heal but is time that got me so use to it , i pretend that i'm fine , its like - i'm fine . Yaw know shit happens .

I just had to let this out of my chest , here on the blog considering its already flood with emofied post , i didnt wanna go all boohoo crash on someone chest then sob like a crybaby which i kinda did out of random moments . Man . Those tears were raw emotions that no one is there to catch each drop and magnified actual ache that i have inside . Its like a black hole manifest and just grabs whole of my spirals down my spine then drowning me inside with everything i hate in multiple directions . I just wanna end this piece of shit but i cant find no rope pulling me away from slappin waves in my tear ducts .

From this reality , melt into this dark horizon then rise up like a cloud and float away, dissolve somewhere far . One day ,  I will find the right words and they will be simple . I guess , the heck what am i even typing , im asking all the wrong whys and i never get to figure out the whys and here - comes that feelings you have forgotten . Love - Such complex shit to be involve . Whoever says is simple - total bullshit . 

Monday, 24 October 2011

To think this heart was divided, I’m losing sleep cause I can’t ignore

15 min more and the clocks hits 5 in the morning .

Here i am scanning through petrifying thoughts in my head wondering whether have i made the right decision . Thoughts that are senseless , things that you hear back of your head true as well as things are completely random and it drive you fuckin insane . I wonder is it only me or other people does too? There is so much that i cannot control though i wish i had a remote to skip through channels of my life that i would possibly want it to skipped by in a flash . You know , the unhappy stuff . I can choose how i'm going to response the unfortunate circumstances in my life to look at it in different perspective , speak through words and tone of voice of how i want things to go my way but unfortunately things in this earth doesn't rotate in clockwise . Bad times will soon pass , it will . Telling myself things will get easier . I just need to consider the possibilities of my choices and minimize which will hurt lesser . The truth is , i want the easy way out but its completely impossible cause there is no such thing as googling the secret cheat code in life . Maybe i should give up but no , let me rephrase - let go . Let go should be the word . For now i'm going to bed and wake up feeling okay and be fortunate for what has brought me here , what has taught me . I'm not gonna waste my day being upset over things that gonna bring me down .

Tonight, I'm going to have happy dreams with white unicorns and rainbows .
and shitload of sushi oh yeah and awesome music .
Good night .

Monday, 22 August 2011

You said you would fix my pieces, you lied

I placed my fingers on the keyboards having thoughts running wild in my head trying to merge my words into sentence . Its pathetic how life could changed in seconds. I'm so tired to be close to anyone anymore because they probably gonna leave me behind , or , i will . Either way is tragic and i am tired of this tragedy . Snap my fingers and people changed before i could even blink my eyes , once they get what they wanted, the next day you realize your as empty as before . One day they are sweet , the next day they are not . One day they are here,the next day they decided to leave . One day you are so important to them , the next day you are worthless. One day they say you matters so much to them , the next day your just another piece of old toys . Maybe , i should be a loner , things could be so much better . Or not.

I wish i could bake a cake made up of smiles so i could eat it all up myself and be happy . It sucks , you know . When everything is doing fine then it crashes all over again, repeatingly and what's worst, is i really dont want to bothered try putting back the pieces together again but i have to . You know what i think i better stop here . Putting a fullstop over these bullshit . That's how ironic people can be , pretty shits , pretty lies and pretty fucked up situation but its a choice that have to be made . cause i chose to care . Sigh , i wish someone could read my mind because im going round in circles . I hope all this will lead to a better route. Eventually . I guess .

This month , marks one of the worst month ever in my life

Monday, 8 August 2011

Just like a bread without peanut butter

10 pm getting ready for the night,
wanna be a hippie when the city's getting high,
DJ playing my favorite beats all night long,
Poppin some bottles; champagne and red wine,

Cascada - San Francisco

GAWD ! I miss last Friday night !

Hello there ! I know i know I've been neglecting my blog and yes i am aware its Monday, i have soooo much to post but every time when i logged in clicked on new post looking through my messed up pictures folders and reminiscing thoughts of memories of times i spent throughout the days i couldn't put em in words cause they were plain awesome . Ha ! Cheesy eigh ?

I've been chubbier than ever . I'm gaining weight like there's no tomorrow , serves me right for skipping dance classes and not working out . Boo ! now i have excessive layers of tyres around my waist and it hurts when i sit cause its overlapping one another . Man , i GOT TO START loosing my damn weights .

Friends and family were lovelier as always . Things going pretty good . Works fine , boss and working mates were fun to work with though sometimes there's a lil downs . But heck , whats's life without it ? I guess i must have leveled up cause life been challenging , trying to juggle everything between work , play and slack . Ceh ... talk as though i'm some busy business woman. Wokays i shall cut the crap , finish up blogging so i could go and bath then try concentrating on cleaning up my messy room . Meh

You know, I think July and August could be one of my new fav months 'cause that's when everyone comes back for their breaks , then again , I really dislike the part when I have to say good-byes so December is still my fave month among the months. To be honest i kinda stuck typing , my mind just went blank and my blogging mojo just faded but heck i'm still gonna continue typing so watch out , you are now gonna waste 8479034680 seconds of your life reading my craps here

- sudden pause -

Ahh damn i don't even know what to crap , i shall spare your 8479034680 seconds . I guess i'll leave this post now . Good night

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Wake up call, caught you in the morning

So much has happened lately, typing eventually became difficult even thinking bout it just wears me out. The memories you left me hanging intoxicate my mind and i am not surprise by the actions you did left me without bearing any responsibilities. It was my mistake to willingly put in so much effort yet you became the person you said you wouldn't be. I am utterly disappointed and mad sometimes i wish you didn't appear in the chapters of my life or cursing the shit outta me that karma hits right up your pathetic lil ass but i am grateful along the way i learn that i will never make the same mistake again. You put yourself out there so low for temporary gains and you know what ? you gained nothing and lost big time.

Here i am flushing down minutes of my life pathetically blogging about you. To think this is all just a small piece what i admit i miss the times and whatsnot i just want it to go away so bad and no i don't hate you i never did. Thank you for once putting smiles on my face and the pretty moments that you made it happened. At this point i finally slapped myself into reality that the best feeling comes when you realize that you are perfectly happy without the people you thought you once needed.

-Pause and let out a huge sigh-

Now, that I'm feeling much lighter. Just a lil hoo haa but i still can handle. Life's good, average in exact. People around me is as awesome as ever. Plans made me look forward waking up everyday not feeling gloomy. I remember i used to be an overly flamboyant kid who doesnt really bothered much as long it doesn't affect me. Just me being a usual kid until i realize the country i live in isn't what i expect it to be and thought it was. I aint gonna say much but you have eyes to see and hearts to judge fairly.

I can never imagined that I'll cry over a video like this. Every single time i logged online and read the news updated about my own country , i kinda sink a lil inside. True color of each individuality preview humanity and solidarity in the midst of decisions of what has happened. I shall leave this post now.

Have a good day.

Monday, 27 June 2011

Cause your greed sold me out of shame no more

Morning ! Its raining outside and its Monday for goodness sake ! Feeling the blues ? I don't but i wish i could just head home and crash on my bed , roll like a big baby with my soft blankie , cuddly bolsters and snugly pillows *slaps self*


How's your weekend ? Mine was hectic nevertheless it was awesome (: #excuses for not blogging . Oh and btw i cut my hair ! Here's the before .

And this is after , What do you think ?

I typed a shit long post and my blogger did not auto save it , when i clicked publish post it sign out and i'm not bothered to retype it again . Joyce's 21st birthday and catching up with the primary mates at Bangsar La Bodega .

Follow my twitter ? (: Good day all