Trapped in my own damn shadow

I am trapped .

Trapped behind my stupid happy mask

Trapped keeping all the fudge up feelings

Trapped sick of being trapped .

And hell yeah I AM depressed .
And I AM aware who reads my blog .
If i mind i probably switch setting it to private already .

Oh , i don't need anyone to come barging in and tells me

that i have to be thankful in what i have now .

Cause soaking up my spoil blanket

ain't putting a smile on my face

Nope , did i just mention that I AM NOT happy ?
If your a happy person , your surrounded by people you love and
bless by all the things you want in your little prefect life ,
and your pointing your silly finger laughing right at my face.
Oh hey ! you got lucky , you can click the top right red X button cause
you won't find any interesting here .

While some rants over their stupid weight problems,
some complain that they're ugly but in reality there are over 10 ppl
who likes their profile pictures, they cant decide whether to go
aus or uk cause got no friends there, they're torn between killer heels or
ballet pumps or probably over some useless boyfriend,

maybe no money to go for a party
and which can somewhat i don't understand can kills theirself for these problems.

Maybe my mind is fudge up now and MAYBE I AM typing non sense .

So i struggle with all these pain in the ass problems year after year
and I'm getting to no where and wonder if anything will ever change,
and the unavoidable reality of all is that, me? life sucks .

But of course,
I'm not giving up, I'm going to keep struggling to solve these shitty problems,
change myself, improve myself, to find happiness or whatever it is
wherever it is. But still , life sucks . at this moment .

And if these people out there who are blissfully free from the problems
and if they can do it, there must be some way for me as well.
and i do not know where is my way.

No, i do not need a therapist . Gee .

So, the energy which stays in me keeping me going , random or otherwise,
have spoken they are determined to happen to me.

Everything happens for a reason?

Bah ,
where is the reason after all these years?
No explanation, no directions, no answers.

Right ... I'm suppose to look for it myself .
Dammit . Oh i am one happy girl .
Screw it .

signing out , have a nice day peeps